The Joy (and Stress) of the Holiday Season

Happy Holidays to you! This time of year can be the source of great memories with family and friends but also a source of much stress. Between holiday decorations, shopping for gifts and family get-togethers we rarely think about our personal well being. How many times in the past have you said to yourself after the holidays that you weren’t “going to do this to myself again”? The question now is how to prevent the same level of insanity this year.

Holiday decorating at my home brings together great memories, traditions and stress. Will it look perfect? Will I overload the circuits (again)?  Will I actually get it all done before I am so frustrated I just pack everything back in the box and try it again next year? Maybe next year I will change how I do things to reduce my stress and hire a local interior decorator to decorate my home and hire someone to install my holiday lights.

As for avoiding the crazy malls I am personally trying to buy local and online. Shopping in the Greater Maple Valley – Black Diamond area is much less stressful and I have found that the people working here are generally much more cordial, making the whole experience less stressful. This is a win-win for everyone; local business owners are able to continue providing services due to healthy holiday sales and you don’t have to lose your mind trying to find a parking spot!

Now, the most difficult part of the holidays: family get-togethers. I love spending time with most of the members of my family but there is always that relative with whom I dread being left alone in the room with to have a conversation. What do we talk about? How do I deal with the “crazy cousin” who always starts arguments? How do I avoid the awkward silence? I recommend you try the art of ‘Skillful Conversation.’  Recently Kevin Patterson from the Tahoma School District and Chamber President-Elect presented some very valuable tools to the board. I won’t go through all of the tools but I believe that some of these can also be incorporated into your holiday get-togethers.

1. Silence: This is a great tool to use when you either need to gather your thoughts before answering a question thoughtfully or when you really want to say something that ultimately may not be appropriate and need a moment to come up with a more appropriate response. My Mom also taught me that sometimes silence is louder than words…maybe you won’t even need the rest of the tools!
2. Paraphrasing: This is probably the single most important communication tool and the most under-used. Using a phrase like: “So, what you are wondering is…” This works great when you really don’t understand the question and need more information before responding.
   
3. Evidence: Ask for specific examples rather than trying to respond based on partial information. Example: My kid’s favorite response to everything is “I can’t”. A great way to ask for more evidence is to probe for more information like “What can’t you do?” “Why can’t you do it?” And my favorite…”Why don’t you want to do it?”
   

I hope that you have a wonderful holiday and create many lasting memories. I look forward to seeing you in the New Year.

Karen Crowe

Added on 12/09/2010

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